Vagina Verses...

You are reading this post at your risk! You have been warned!!!

...I am but a pen in the hands of the muse…

I guess you have never thought that someday I would be here speaking to you. It has never crossed your imagination that I have a mind of my own.

“Can a vagina talk?”

Don’t be amused because that laughter would soon become a lump in your throat and that peevish smile on your face would soon become the frown of some village clown. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable! Call this a rant of some sort, or a mindless soliloquy, but sit awhile and suspend all personal biases as I take you on this journey of self (sex) discovery. Cry if it hurts, scream if you want, shout if you must and moan if you will, for I am about to disvirgin your thoughts. I am about to unravel some truth your Mama never told you! I am yours truly, Vagina!

Don’t pretend like you don’t know who I am! You are either a possessor of my infinite treasure and inexhaustible pleasure or you are one of those fragile folks with a dangling pendulum suspended in-between their thighs and a trigger of some sort like a sac, hanging loosely. Intoxicated by your pseudo rifle you go about hunting for me under different shades of skirts. You pride in the piles of skirts you think you have exploited and those sacred sanctuaries you have desecrated! What a fool you are! Didn’t your mother tell you, that I am the force that makes your ocean of passion swell? The flaws and strength of great men! Your masculinity ends where my femininity begins! I am your fate! Who then is the prey and who is the hunter? You should know better sons of Dick!

How can I forget those idle moments when you sit among your adulterous friends scheming and planning, sharing filthy tales of your unenviable conquest! How come I have suddenly become the object of amusement? But in the height of your lustful lure I was your angel, honey pie, sugar pie…I was everything to you until you dumped your slimy shame in me and then, I became the bitch! I became the slut! How could someone have condescended from such lofty cherubic height to becoming a thrash where every Dick and sons dump their messy slimy ‘thing’? The angel has suddenly become the bitch! What an antithesis! But wait Mister; has time your intellect deflated? Or is it true that when you get hardened, your reasoning takes flight? Some says it flows to your penis and is released during ejaculation. I guess this explains your after-sex exhaustion and uncivil mannerism.

Now, put that dusty brain to its primary use and let me teach you some vagina truth! If I could take your pseudo rifle in one swallow and dispossess it of its watery bullets, what makes you think I can’t swallow you up in a gulp? I am the cradle that rocked you to sleep when you were but a foetus: with one final push, I opened the door to your existence and made you a reality. I can as well shut that door this once and end your miserable existence! Is that the bitch in me or the angel speaking?

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror during ejaculation? What a sight! Faces contorted, muscles stiffened like one suffering from a bolt of paralysis; words tippling incoherently out of those twisted lips, breath coming in convulsive gasps; divorced of your pride and sensibility, a mad man’s glint in your eyes and like a goat that has just smelt its urine, a faint smile graced your lips…Is that the bitch or beast in you Mister? Never underestimate the power of a woman!

And to you possessors of my infinite wisdom, have you forgotten the creed of chastity and decency? Where lies your pride, when you have made me a commodity that can be purchased at any cost? Don’t I deserve your husband and soul mate? I am supposed to be your pride and not your shame! Those robes of innocence are meant to shroud your much coveted treasure from the prowling vulture. For where lies the masquerade’s pride but in its mask!

Sex. Is that all I am worth? C’mon sister, for how long will you give me out at the slightest mention of the word ‘marriage’ or ‘love’? Some men these days use love and marriage as an alibi or a justification for sex! What makes you think selling me out to every Dick and sons would guarantee your ultimate happiness and settlement in life? Where is Darlington, Dick-son, Dick-en, Oko-labi, Oko-juwonlo, Oko-dola, Brother Peter, Brother Paul, Alhaji Umaru, Aljhaji Ibrahim, Chief Ogadinma, Chief Nduka, Uncle Donatus to mention but a few? A few indeed!

Woman, where is your pride? This is not some cruise girl friend! Look inward and see how much I have been bruised by these brutes! A man who demands me as a criterion for walking down the aisle doesn’t truly deserve you! You should know better woman!

Daughters of Eve, why do you constantly chastise me with that malevolent object you call a dildo? Hmmm…this is definitely about sex, isn’t it? I have never ceased to wonder what would make a sister shove that parody for a penis down those private quartres! Is it a protest against centuries of peni(s)ficent or dickvolent slavery? Or a parody for the brutal tendencies of penile incursion? Could it be some sort of attack on male chauvinism? Whatever your reason, these marks are not tattooed for fancy; they are the relics of the pains inflicted on my fragile vagina walls by your uncivil sexual behaviour! Is it not an irony that I am bruised by that same instrument of pleasure which to me is but torture, while you cruise away in ignorance? What a woman you are!

What should I say of those moments when on the altar of shame, you desecrate my sacred sanctuary for your personal gains, selling me out as a commodity, to some sex starved slut and plucking my eggs, unripe from its stem? How many souls would you deny the joy of existence before you shut those sex puffed up thighs?

Woman, I am God’s gift to you! I am the wonder that makes child-bearing a miracle! I am that lost treasure men have always craved for, from generations past! I am your pride! Your duty is to see that I am given to that one true man after your heart. My worth lies in how well you can keep your legs shut until you find that special person! I deserve that special man – just that one special man!

And to you seekers of my vast treasures, when next you come across another vagina, treat her like your life depends on her because she could be your mother, your sister, your wife and maybe… your daughter!

Some respect is all I ask!

Yours truly,

Vagina.