Saturday, 2 August 2008

In the name of Love and Marriage!

What is happening to the profession of undying love? Why are there so many broken and wounded hearts lying on this ancient path, the path to cupid’s abode? I stumbled on a post recently by Parakeet titled “The woes of a single girl” and one by Jayjazzy titled “On the verge of a break” and I can’t stop pondering on the sudden transition from a once sublime and sacred institution as unconditional love to a rather ludicrous and farcical glorification of lust!

The things we do in the name of love…

As much as I would frown at such a show of shame and a display of ignorance of the fundamentals of that sacred union called marriage by some men, either in the name of chemistry or love at first sight, I still think to a great extent, women are their problems!

Marriage is no doubt an admirable enterprise but when such sacred oath is taken without the benefit of the intellect; mostly due to pressure from whatever quarters, it becomes a show of shame rather than a celebration of boundless love!

At some point in the life of most single women, they resign to fate and the available becomes preferable! They make a life time decision with someone who most likely doesn’t cut their idea of a life time partner, forgetting that their happiness is worth the wait!

The issue of men taking advantage of single ladies either on the internet networking/dating sites or in a real life situation simply suggests the culpability of most single ladies whose desperation sometimes seem to becloud their sense of good judgement. Though some might be smart enough to detect such antics but several have lost their will to love and life as a result of the pains of their past mistakes and hurt.

You can’t litter the floor with granules of sugar and not be invaded by soldier ants! Somehow, I guess this truth seems to evade the consciousness of most single ladies that they probably out of desperation to find a life partner or get hooked-up, send an unconscious signal which some desperate men capitalizes on, hence making them vulnerable to the antics of such shallow minded men!

As a result, men now sell the idea of marriage even at first meeting knowing fully well that it is the brand every single woman wants to be identified with. But beyond those sugar-coated words and sweet promises, there lies deceit and emptiness! They only get to realize this when the deed has been done and they are the worse for it! Marriage is not the ultimate; your happiness should take first place priority!

Knowing where to draw the line between friendship and intimate relationship is of great importance and should be one of the skills a single lady should possess. Times are hard and true love is hard to find. If you don’t want to end up being a trash where every man dumps his ‘thing’ in the name of love and marriage, then you have to start looking inward and stop giving the impression that you are desperate or under pressure! True love is worth the waiting!

Women are the pride of our world! Lets keep this dream alive!

29 comments:

OluwaDee said...

True love is worth the waiting!
So true.

Kin'shar said...

It took me three years before I officially decided that I would love in my relationship. Love doesnt just happen in a few weeks...because if it does then its not love; maybe you should look at the real reason that you are lusting for the person.

Parakeet said...

Dammy well written but this quote popped out *Marriage is no doubt an admirable enterprise but when such sacred oath is taken without the benefit of the intellect; mostly due to pressure from whatever quarters, *

You talk of pressure and am sure you know full well that it is not these women who put themselves under pressure but their families and the society. A few good women I know would rather wait and use 'intellect' as you aptly put it to choose a life partner than give into such pressures. But where such pressure is in your face everywhere you turn, a lot are left with little choice but to go with Mr available.

It is a crying shame especially in a country like Nigeria where a woman's economic success is closely tied to a man. I say it over and over again that some women choose to marry men they would otherwise not let near them even with a barge pole because they need a means of livelihood. I heard that in Nigeria these days girls wear an engagement ring or wedding band just to have the feel of that attached or married status.

A woman's success in Nigeria is based upon her getting married and having kids and all done at a certain age. Little wonder some women leave themselves open to such contemptuous men. My point is the woman is not to be blamed as you suggested because there are so many things working against her and as human's there's only so much we can withstand. Its all good to talk common sense when we're not in that situation ourselves.

Perhaps we need to start changing our mindset with regards to the marriage institution and this whole man/woman relationships.

Standtall said...

"Marriage is not the ultimate; your happiness should take first place priority!" How true Dammy

I do agree wiv Parakeet. And to add to waht she said, a lot of organisations are working to change these wrong mind sets and empower women. It was so surprising to even hear recently from someone that why are women screaming empowerment. And I asked if the person is from outta space. Wiv what the society has subjected us to, we need to take charge.

Dammy, when will u deem it fit to reciprocate and visit my blog?

Tears said...

Some just find happiness in marriage. And when a prince in shining amour comes claim be the one, then she goes for it....after all everything in life is a risk, even when you know one for TEN years, you still could break over very lil things...

Is not the timing is the LUCK coz even our parents separate for one reason or another. Didn't they vow in sickness or health till DEATH do them part but still part?

This why people believe in 'soul mates'. Believing there's that someone that would go through it all! That one person that clicks with you and STAYS! But in the end you find even that beauty fails...so in the end you ask yourself is there such thing as soul mates? Unbreakable promises? Happy ever after love?? Is there LOVE? a REAL one of a kind that never FADES??

Help me know (on my post though)

Jayjazzy said...

Its crazy what happens especially issues concerning love, but i agree with the truth, true love is worth waiting for

Femi B said...

You know my parents met in February and got married in October and i'd say their marriage is still very strong, but the only fact of the rush was i guess they were getting old. So sometimes great life time decisions can also be made at the twinkle of an eye.
Even Some great investments (moneywise) are made in a heartbeat.lol.
Anyway i understand your take, but you have to realize the serious pressure on these women from outside forces- marriage, child, male child, 2nd child, eggs drying ..so on and so forth, oppression from the already married ones (oh me and my husband are in bed...come back tomorrow...hiss)
But indeed true Love is hard to find but bear in mind that Love is not all that makes a marriage work oh. SO even if you "find" love quick quick or you wait tire for that love wantintin...if you aint got the skills to a successful marriage and God to back it up.....................

Afrobabe said...

it becomes quite hard to think of urself as the pride of anything when you keep having to settle for second rate guys.....

but we'll get there....in a dark mood I am...not particularly liking the male specy right now...

Kemmie said...

love can be....complex but so simple when you find it. For those true lovers out there, the person they fall in love with is insignificant. They just know how to make a love decision and stick to it. I wish I could say it gets easier but ultimately True Love is a set of mind and has shockingly little to do with the person you love. My 2 cents.

Thanks for stopping by, dear.
ps you should enter some of your poems for Poetry Competitions....Let me know if you are interested, ok?
;)
K

Rita Esuru Okoroafor said...

Mixed feelings on this post.

I really like the statement "At some point in the life of most single women, they resign to fate and the available becomes preferable!" It happens alot and I agree with what Parakeet said... that a woman's success in Nigeria is based upon her getting married and having kids and all done at a certain age. I cannot blame a woman who prefers the available guy when it seems time is not on her side.

I believe a successful marriage is not about "the right people" but about "mature" committed people. Mr. Available (who seems to have fallen short of the lady's dreams) can become Mr. Right, if both are ready to make the marriage work.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

am feelin i do by boys ii men. ive missed that song.

the openness of sex is wot is causing the problem if u ask me...

...the fact that u can get it anywhere, people give it up easily and the rest.

therefore people start aving sex before they even get to know each other.
sex comes with a certain attachment too.
especially wen u think u like this person, but the person sees u no more than just a sexual partner.

there the problems lies and it becomes all so confusing.

so now u dont know is mister right wants u 4 ur heart or ass.

Debbie said...

first time here, I like your writings. Love hasn't fail for God is love and those who know him in truth will value the beauty of the union between man and woman.

Anonymous said...

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Afronuts said...

Kingsley so na two blogs u get? I never knew!

Human nature is naturally greedy and selfish. Until we come to the terms that we can't have it all and learn to accept the person we're involved with will things get better.

Eg. I became a better person when I married my wife. She had a dramatic makeover after I married her.

The person u should marry shud be the missing 'code' that completes ur 'puzzle'

Standtall said...

Afronut put this in so simple and explicit way " You should marry the person that complete the missing code in yoru puzzle". Very nice

Writefreak said...

First time here...nice post..desperation is a very wrong reason to get married! Better to remain single than live a miserable married life...in my opinion

zara (my alter ego) said...

"women are the pride of our world, lets keep the dream alive". i love u for that!

archiwiz said...

Its funny that guys resort to "sell[ing] the idea of marriage even at first meeting" to get women into their beds. As Parakeet said, the society that we come from is very, very largely to blame. Unfortunately too, not many Nigerian guys go through being insulted/treated condescendingly, and so much more for not being married, by parents, church members, friends, cousins, and just people around. Its a shame that this still goes on today, but its great that there are people working to disabuse the minds of Nigerians on the issue of single women. Women indeed are the pride of the world.

reality check- giver said...

I dont understand why all these women here are saying they are under pressure from family and friends to get married, and that is why they settle for less. There lies our problem. you do not have to succumb to this so called pressure. Afterall as a woman in this generation, we should all be very independent and not see a man as a means to complete our lives. Women are settling for less not because of pressure from anyone but from jealousy and their need to be on the same wavelenght as their feminine counterparts. ALL of you get a grip of yourselves and if you believe you are being pressured. prove to the people that you dont need a man. AND DONT BLAME ANYONE FOR YOUR HEARTBREAKS BUT YOURSELVES!!! What happened to not givign a F**K about what peopel think and caring about you own happiness?

Nice post jare. these girls need a reality check. AM sure they arent women enough thats why.

Godisalive said...

WELL i disagree with people that say finding the right person takes a while.

I met a guy in June 03 and a couple of days after we met, he proposed not formally with a ring but suggsted we had a court wedding. Being the traditionalist i am, i decided not to jump into things and wait.

5 years after, we are still together. Are we married? NO. But I believe Gods time is the best and he spends time moulding us to be perfect partners when the time comes.

My mum does pester me but I say to her that WE are both not ready...not HIM but WE cuz i know that there is a lot we have to go thru to get to the end of the single journey.

x

Jaycee said...

Women are the pride of our world!

I'm glad you think so. :)

WeirdGurl said...

True love is worth waiting for.
Marriage is a lifetime thing and should not be rushed into with any tom, dick and harry cos of age.
Another thing is that women are becoming promiscous and so are men too, but when it comes to marriage the man will go and look for a decent girl to marry while the promiscous lady finds it hard to hook a good man down for marriage. So women have a disadvantage yet they don't learn from it.

Beyond said...

love!!! a very powerful 4 lettered word. I not in a position to say much about it but i sha know that love can be anything and everything but can NEVER be UNSURED. and this seems like one thing some females take for granted....a love you have real doubts about ain't worth hussling over.... sometimes you just gatto let it go

Lady Koko said...

I TOTALLY FEEL U MY BROTHA.....THIS HAS BECOME A CAUSE FOR CONCERN.........EVEN WHEN SIMPLY DATING....i still dnt see how any woman can settle for less!!!!!!!!!! AND BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND THEY FACE THE FIRE FROM SOCIETY FOR BEING SINGLE AT A CERTAIN AGE.....but mehnnn........its the same way every nigerian parent wants their child to read medicine....U STAND UP FOR YOURSELFE MEHNNN!!!!!!!
P.S:XOXO

Hunter girl said...

hmmm...its my first time here....i like the way u write...

its cool seeing/reading stuff from a mans point of view...however while i agree with your 'desperation' argument i dont think you have been entirley fair in your judgement.

Yes i agree that desperation allows the 'available to become preferable'. But how about the shameless way our men treat women. What ever happened to a man who would stand by his word? We live in a mature world. There are many women out there who are willing to sleep with a guy without any commmitment....chop and clean mouth. So if a guy is looking for a bed mate why cant he just be man enough to say it! Why does he have to be so selfish? Why does he have to take the route of a coward and lie about his feelings, simply to get laid...when there are coutless women who wouldnt mind? Why does he have to take some wonded woman for a ride?

So you see much as i agree with your post, i think its a bit lopsided. PLease this is not an attack oh!!! Its just my view...and i mean no offence in anyway. It would be intresting to hear/see what you think about this...

You see daily i see more and more evidence that men are becoming bastards (no offence) as the seconds go bye. Honesty, trust and all the traits of being a GENTLEMAN have flown out of the window all in an attempt to get laid...wats ur opinion???

Sorry i know my comment is loooonnnggg.....
my 2cents!!!!...more like 10cents!!!

Osondu Awaraka said...

Hear hear!!! This is good Dammy. I read your Vagina talks thing too. It's good. This one is good, i hope the ladies are reading this...

Osondu Awaraka said...

Hear hear!!! This is good Dammy. I read your Vagina talks thing too. It's good. This one is good, i hope the ladies are reading this...

Olufunke said...

hmmmmm...'(deep sigh)

Interesting piece, and more so, coming from a man.
Like a lot of people have commented, the soceity really should change the way we regard a mature single woman;
she always finds herself on the defensive, its like all the forces in life fight against her,
she always has to explain why she should 'still' be respected even as a single lady!


I also agree with you that 'true love is worth waiting for'!
I know its not easy, a woman should know how much she is worth, what value God places on her and not sell her self for trash, just to earn respect, or get the emotional support her soul craves for.
Aftera all said...I really just wonder...why doe a women have to go through all these????

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