Monday, 14 July 2008

Saint or Sinners?

I am not in my element at the moment. I am trying to get my life together. Things are happening rather too fast or maybe I seem to be the one behind. I have got a lot of things going on in my life at the moment...but, I will leave that for another day.

To some good news, WE (You and made it to the next round of the blogvile idol 2008 contest! I guess if we keep it at this pace, we might get to the final and even if we don't, well we have made a statement already!

I posted this sometimes in february but now, I feel the urge to reawaken our consciousness to the evils that men do in the name of love. The evils that no longer live after them but has come to settle with them! What if the unborn child speaks? What would he say of you? what whould she say to you?

I will die in thirty minutes! My fate has been determined by the powers that be. I have been sentenced to death in the most horrible manner! I am to be tortured and yanked limbs apart while still alive! My voiceless cries would not stop the executioner whose expertise in the art of murder of the most cruel nature has earned him respect and recognition among the female folks who constitute the bulk of his customers. I thought mothers are usually moved by the tears of their children but mine has lost every sense of motherhood, as she connived with my father to sign my death warrant! I could hardly believe my eyes as she led me amidst my voiceless protest and streams of tears to the altar to be sacrificed! Innocent me! Guiltless me! Helpless me! Why should I be sacrificed for the inordinate sexual urges of my parents? Why should I be the one to pay the price for their negligence? Why should my life be the ransom? Why…?

Amidst the tears, I fought for survival. The ones I trusted the most have turned their backs on me. I am left alone to suffer such horrific death in the hands of the merciless executioner whose glove clothed hands could not shroud the stains of blood and lives he had taken over the years. I grew weaker every passing moment as I watched my mother surrender her life on the execution altar. She lay facing the sky, with legs wide open and a face laced with fear. Tears trickled down my eyes, for I realized that her fear was more for her survival than for my innocent life, which would soon be snuffed!

Helplessly, I watched as the executioner plunged his instrument into mother’s uterus; intended to hold the walls of the uterus apart, so he could watch with pleasure as I am tortured to death. Mother groaned as he defiled the sanctity of her vagina. Satisfied with his feat, the executioner launched his death instrument, which he flaunted for a while, sending cold shivers running through my fragile spine. This time, I saw a glow in his masked eyes. It seemed my pains ignite his pleasure!

I battled hopelessly as the torture instrument approached. The bulging walls of the uterus quivers upon detecting the presence of an alien object. I struggled in vain to move away from the approaching doom but death’s mournful knell trailed all my actions. At this instance, just like every child in the face of a helpless situation, I listened to my instinct to turn to my mother for support but she turned deaf ears to my plaintive cries. My heavy heart sags under the pressure of rejection as it became apparent that no one wants me alive. Brimming with this realization, I gave in to the executioner’s lustful lures as I could not hide from his treacherous instrument which seems prepared to tear my frail limbs apart.

I have no past and the future seemed oblivious. I might have relished in the memories of a past that once was mine but emptiness stared at me in the face, except for loneliness and rejection, which had been the hallmark of my few weeks’ existence. As the executioner’s instrument tore into my flesh, I slipped into a state of coma as I recalled my father’s voice venting his anger on my mother, at the news of my existence. My traumatized mother fell on her knees pleading for my father’s understanding. He hesitated a while and curdled her in his arms as she asked,

“What are we going to do? My parents will skin me alive if they ever get to find out that I am pregnant! Please, help me!”

She sobbed uncontrollably as my father patted her on the back saying,

“We would have to get rid of it! That is the only way out and we have to do it as soon as possible”

Father’s face wore no sign of remorse. He exudes such confidence, as would one who is used to the ritual. I waited in futile for mother’s defence against such an inhuman act but she made no comment. Rather, she fastened her grip around father’s neck in approval. Thus, the decision to terminate my life was reached by my parents and I had to die for their sins!I felt a sharp pain piercing through my heart and with one last voice I cried, “please, let me live!” My pleas fell on deaf ears as the murderous instrument found its way into my heart. In that instant, it cleaved my heart in twain! The little flame of life that remained in my wretched soul was snuffed out permanently amidst the watchful eyes of my mother who sighed in contentment. No doubt, my death was her pride!

As my innocent soul ascended into heaven, with tear-filled eyes and a broken heart, I took one last look on earth and I was shocked to see that behind the unmasked executioner was my father!

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Never Far Away...

The drum rolls once again as is our custom, to usher in some noble events. But in this instance, it is the drum for the second session of the blogsville idol 2008 and I am so excited that I made the list of contestants that sang their way through to the next session. I am not quick to forget that I couldn't have come this far without your support so I dedicate this to everyone who voted for me and also to my fellow contestants Ibiluv, Fresh & Fab, Archiwiz, Lightly and Unbiased who have shown great courage and resilience, in spite their brief outing.

At the moment...

I am trying so hard to get this voice off my head but the more I try, the more my heart seems to connects with the lyrics from that classical African piece playing in the background. What is never far away? Why does it seem so hard to put away some memories? Is it true that there are some memories that elude time and can't be subjected to the twist and histrionics of that ancient healer fondly called time? Is it true that love can touch us one time and last for a life time? is it true that some people come into our lives so briefly that even after they are gone, we live never to forget that angelic voice, touch and warmth that reminds us only, of the innocence of Eden? What is this lone quest all about?


We were so young and full of life..but in my innocent heart, I could tell that what we share was rare! There was never a me without you! I could recall in awe times in our prime, when sitting in the class, the teacher would scold you for getting an answer wrong and I would be on my feet staring so hard at her, with my fist tightened into a ball, ready to strike! Where in the world did I get that courage?I can't tell but in the midst of my friends, I am usually the weakling. For you, I became the hero!

I recall with nostalgia, how we would sit together at night, gazing at the stars and making endless promises. In my timid heart, I knew that I would give everything to be with you. And then, when we part at nights, I could hardly sleep out of excitement, wishing that daylight would erode the thick darkness of the nights and I can be with my beloved again!

As we grew, so blossomed our love! And then suddenly you disappeared...

It was like a dream! I noticed the sudden calmness that now welcomes my presence each time I come asking for you. Your parents too seem to have suddenly disappeared! I asked everyone but it appears no one knows the whereabouts of your family because every quest brings a different tale.

You missed classes and then I started getting so apprehensive! People talked about you in whispers and whenever I get so close, they hush the conversation. I was dying inside!

And then, four weeks later, the teacher came into the class with her eyes all red and swollen with tears. I wished in my heart that you were here to see the hard hearted Mrs T, go so soft and limb in tears. Still in deep thoughts, her words broke into my thoughts, jerking me back to reality...

"We lost Angel four weeks ago...She died of cancer!"

And that was all I knew...


It's been fourteen (14) years down the road and I am yet to believe that she is gone. She lies dead and buried in the dry and parched earth, but in my heart, she lives forever!

"wherever I go
wherever you are
Baby, you are never far away
You're always on my mind..."

This fictional work is dedicated to everyone who has lost a loved one...

Friday, 4 July 2008

Flashes From Yesterday...

I did my first song recording for blogsville idol 2008 today...

I crumble afterwards like a pack of cards on my bed, trying to escape to that world where the mind ceases to wander and the heart ancient cadence becomes like the tender lullaby, tippling from mother's soothing vocal chord, whose rhythm has become my definition of serenity.

I battled to halt the heart mindless soliloquies, for in such moments of quietude, the mind becomes disentangled from the trappings of life and is ferried on the fluffy wings of the unseen chariot of slumber. However, like a beehive, endless thoughts swarm around my head; inspired by the music constantly playing in my heart...

the lyrics shot into my consciousness like an arrow from Cupid's bow. And like a spell from Harry Potter's wand, yesterday stood right before me! But, the music played on...

"How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
outweigh the bad..."

Mixed emotions from my past reeled backward like a movie in an incoherent manner. Memories of days gone by, faces and phases of life - scenes from my past coming to life! I relish in the innocence of my childhood. A childhood that reminds me of of the true worth of making sacrifices and to love unconditional in the midst of want, pains, hunger and cold. Yet, the song played on...

"I thought we would get to see forever
But forever's gone away..."

That innocence that makes childhood a bliss has gradually drifted away, absorbed in the current of life; withering like a tender plant whose root has lost its grip. But here I am, lost in the frenzy of nostalgia, on this lone path called life. And once again, the song echoes...

"I don't know where this road
is going to lead
All I know is where we have been
And what we have been through..."

I frown at the seeming endless attack on yesterday by some greedy motivational preachers who feed on the meagre earnings of the poor whose search for hope have made them vulnerable to the antics of such wolfs, parading as sheep! "Yesterday is dead!" "Yesterday is meaningless to your destiny!" "Yesterday is a waste!" They speak their fears - their past. But they have forgotten that our interpretation of today is subject to the vagaries of individual experience with the past - yesterday. For how do we learn to appreciate today, if we forget the memories of yesterday? If we live all day for tomorrow, who knows if tomorrow may never come...who knows! And the song played again...

"If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it is worth the wait..."

The beauty and innocence of childhood, the inexplicable and inextricable bond among family members, the joy of going through pains and hunger together, the numerous quibbles among friends, the hurt and betrayals, those elusive moments that take our breath away and those moments that witnessed our watery pains, the enlightenment of education and life's greatest lessons learnt in chalk-less classrooms! Above all, the joy of of finding a soul mate and miracle of childbirth...And the music played one last time...

"I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday..."

What does yesterday mean to you?

Listen to the song "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" By BoyZ II men