Coming Home...

How time flies!

I can still recall that day, when I threw open the door to your heart and walked out, not looking back. I still hear your silent sobs as they trailed each step I took away from you and in the distance; I hear your still small voice calling out for me, calling out my name. I battled with the surging emotion that was beginning to build into a climax, leaving my eyes clouded with tears but somehow, I found the courage to walk away… blinded by my obsessions, your silent sobs I ignored!

You were my first love!

Like a tender plant you nurtured our love from childhood to maturity and I watched as our union blossomed with age and time. I can still remember that day when you look me in the eyes and said, “I know someday you would leave me but never forget that I will always be here waiting for you”. I never really took those words seriously because you were my definition of perfection and I could never imagine a life without you.

However, at a point in life, I started probing and asking questions. I got tired of the norm. I got tired of doing the same thing all over again! I wanted something new. I got tired of being told what to do and how to do it. I needed to express my individuality! At that point, I knew I was drifting away from you but I couldn’t help it because it was what I wanted! Something in me longs to be free - to be me. Thus began my quest for an existence outside the norm.

Seven years down this road and my regret lingers still! Seven years of doing it my way and living the life I have always wanted to live. Seven years of vanity, a greater part of which is spent in trying to be better but not getting any better than I am. Seven years of pains and misery, though not without its lessons, learnt in the most cruel manner – experience. For what pleasure lies in that ancient bottled death-trap consumed by many, making a fool of the wisest of counsel or the making of a chimney out of a man? Is it those fleeting high moments of orgasm or those transitory tingling of ejaculation which leaves us drained, limb, exhausted and lesser than a man? Tell me, do they all last forever? What last forever?

I am done trying to do it on my own! How could I have thought I could do it without you? I have been out there where the frost bites so hard at night and life does not get any warm. I have been there where the sun burns fiercely at dawn and nothing can shed one from the scorching sun! But in you, I have found life’s long lost harmony; in you I found balance. As I trail these almost fading tracks back home, I know you would be waiting for me at the gate but one thing I ask from your Lord, “don’t ever let me leave your presence again”.