Saturday, 23 August 2008

Vagina Verses...

You are reading this post at your risk! You have been warned!!!

...I am but a pen in the hands of the muse…

I guess you have never thought that someday I would be here speaking to you. It has never crossed your imagination that I have a mind of my own.

“Can a vagina talk?”

Don’t be amused because that laughter would soon become a lump in your throat and that peevish smile on your face would soon become the frown of some village clown. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable! Call this a rant of some sort, or a mindless soliloquy, but sit awhile and suspend all personal biases as I take you on this journey of self (sex) discovery. Cry if it hurts, scream if you want, shout if you must and moan if you will, for I am about to disvirgin your thoughts. I am about to unravel some truth your Mama never told you! I am yours truly, Vagina!

Don’t pretend like you don’t know who I am! You are either a possessor of my infinite treasure and inexhaustible pleasure or you are one of those fragile folks with a dangling pendulum suspended in-between their thighs and a trigger of some sort like a sac, hanging loosely. Intoxicated by your pseudo rifle you go about hunting for me under different shades of skirts. You pride in the piles of skirts you think you have exploited and those sacred sanctuaries you have desecrated! What a fool you are! Didn’t your mother tell you, that I am the force that makes your ocean of passion swell? The flaws and strength of great men! Your masculinity ends where my femininity begins! I am your fate! Who then is the prey and who is the hunter? You should know better sons of Dick!

How can I forget those idle moments when you sit among your adulterous friends scheming and planning, sharing filthy tales of your unenviable conquest! How come I have suddenly become the object of amusement? But in the height of your lustful lure I was your angel, honey pie, sugar pie…I was everything to you until you dumped your slimy shame in me and then, I became the bitch! I became the slut! How could someone have condescended from such lofty cherubic height to becoming a thrash where every Dick and sons dump their messy slimy ‘thing’? The angel has suddenly become the bitch! What an antithesis! But wait Mister; has time your intellect deflated? Or is it true that when you get hardened, your reasoning takes flight? Some says it flows to your penis and is released during ejaculation. I guess this explains your after-sex exhaustion and uncivil mannerism.

Now, put that dusty brain to its primary use and let me teach you some vagina truth! If I could take your pseudo rifle in one swallow and dispossess it of its watery bullets, what makes you think I can’t swallow you up in a gulp? I am the cradle that rocked you to sleep when you were but a foetus: with one final push, I opened the door to your existence and made you a reality. I can as well shut that door this once and end your miserable existence! Is that the bitch in me or the angel speaking?

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror during ejaculation? What a sight! Faces contorted, muscles stiffened like one suffering from a bolt of paralysis; words tippling incoherently out of those twisted lips, breath coming in convulsive gasps; divorced of your pride and sensibility, a mad man’s glint in your eyes and like a goat that has just smelt its urine, a faint smile graced your lips…Is that the bitch or beast in you Mister? Never underestimate the power of a woman!

And to you possessors of my infinite wisdom, have you forgotten the creed of chastity and decency? Where lies your pride, when you have made me a commodity that can be purchased at any cost? Don’t I deserve your husband and soul mate? I am supposed to be your pride and not your shame! Those robes of innocence are meant to shroud your much coveted treasure from the prowling vulture. For where lies the masquerade’s pride but in its mask!

Sex. Is that all I am worth? C’mon sister, for how long will you give me out at the slightest mention of the word ‘marriage’ or ‘love’? Some men these days use love and marriage as an alibi or a justification for sex! What makes you think selling me out to every Dick and sons would guarantee your ultimate happiness and settlement in life? Where is Darlington, Dick-son, Dick-en, Oko-labi, Oko-juwonlo, Oko-dola, Brother Peter, Brother Paul, Alhaji Umaru, Aljhaji Ibrahim, Chief Ogadinma, Chief Nduka, Uncle Donatus to mention but a few? A few indeed!

Woman, where is your pride? This is not some cruise girl friend! Look inward and see how much I have been bruised by these brutes! A man who demands me as a criterion for walking down the aisle doesn’t truly deserve you! You should know better woman!

Daughters of Eve, why do you constantly chastise me with that malevolent object you call a dildo? Hmmm…this is definitely about sex, isn’t it? I have never ceased to wonder what would make a sister shove that parody for a penis down those private quartres! Is it a protest against centuries of peni(s)ficent or dickvolent slavery? Or a parody for the brutal tendencies of penile incursion? Could it be some sort of attack on male chauvinism? Whatever your reason, these marks are not tattooed for fancy; they are the relics of the pains inflicted on my fragile vagina walls by your uncivil sexual behaviour! Is it not an irony that I am bruised by that same instrument of pleasure which to me is but torture, while you cruise away in ignorance? What a woman you are!

What should I say of those moments when on the altar of shame, you desecrate my sacred sanctuary for your personal gains, selling me out as a commodity, to some sex starved slut and plucking my eggs, unripe from its stem? How many souls would you deny the joy of existence before you shut those sex puffed up thighs?

Woman, I am God’s gift to you! I am the wonder that makes child-bearing a miracle! I am that lost treasure men have always craved for, from generations past! I am your pride! Your duty is to see that I am given to that one true man after your heart. My worth lies in how well you can keep your legs shut until you find that special person! I deserve that special man – just that one special man!

And to you seekers of my vast treasures, when next you come across another vagina, treat her like your life depends on her because she could be your mother, your sister, your wife and maybe… your daughter!

Some respect is all I ask!

Yours truly,


Friday, 15 August 2008

Coming Home...

How time flies!

I can still recall that day, when I threw open the door to your heart and walked out, not looking back. I still hear your silent sobs as they trailed each step I took away from you and in the distance; I hear your still small voice calling out for me, calling out my name. I battled with the surging emotion that was beginning to build into a climax, leaving my eyes clouded with tears but somehow, I found the courage to walk away… blinded by my obsessions, your silent sobs I ignored!

You were my first love!

Like a tender plant you nurtured our love from childhood to maturity and I watched as our union blossomed with age and time. I can still remember that day when you look me in the eyes and said, “I know someday you would leave me but never forget that I will always be here waiting for you”. I never really took those words seriously because you were my definition of perfection and I could never imagine a life without you.

However, at a point in life, I started probing and asking questions. I got tired of the norm. I got tired of doing the same thing all over again! I wanted something new. I got tired of being told what to do and how to do it. I needed to express my individuality! At that point, I knew I was drifting away from you but I couldn’t help it because it was what I wanted! Something in me longs to be free - to be me. Thus began my quest for an existence outside the norm.

Seven years down this road and my regret lingers still! Seven years of doing it my way and living the life I have always wanted to live. Seven years of vanity, a greater part of which is spent in trying to be better but not getting any better than I am. Seven years of pains and misery, though not without its lessons, learnt in the most cruel manner – experience. For what pleasure lies in that ancient bottled death-trap consumed by many, making a fool of the wisest of counsel or the making of a chimney out of a man? Is it those fleeting high moments of orgasm or those transitory tingling of ejaculation which leaves us drained, limb, exhausted and lesser than a man? Tell me, do they all last forever? What last forever?

I am done trying to do it on my own! How could I have thought I could do it without you? I have been out there where the frost bites so hard at night and life does not get any warm. I have been there where the sun burns fiercely at dawn and nothing can shed one from the scorching sun! But in you, I have found life’s long lost harmony; in you I found balance. As I trail these almost fading tracks back home, I know you would be waiting for me at the gate but one thing I ask from your Lord, “don’t ever let me leave your presence again”.

Saturday, 2 August 2008

In the name of Love and Marriage!

What is happening to the profession of undying love? Why are there so many broken and wounded hearts lying on this ancient path, the path to cupid’s abode? I stumbled on a post recently by Parakeet titled “The woes of a single girl” and one by Jayjazzy titled “On the verge of a break” and I can’t stop pondering on the sudden transition from a once sublime and sacred institution as unconditional love to a rather ludicrous and farcical glorification of lust!

The things we do in the name of love…

As much as I would frown at such a show of shame and a display of ignorance of the fundamentals of that sacred union called marriage by some men, either in the name of chemistry or love at first sight, I still think to a great extent, women are their problems!

Marriage is no doubt an admirable enterprise but when such sacred oath is taken without the benefit of the intellect; mostly due to pressure from whatever quarters, it becomes a show of shame rather than a celebration of boundless love!

At some point in the life of most single women, they resign to fate and the available becomes preferable! They make a life time decision with someone who most likely doesn’t cut their idea of a life time partner, forgetting that their happiness is worth the wait!

The issue of men taking advantage of single ladies either on the internet networking/dating sites or in a real life situation simply suggests the culpability of most single ladies whose desperation sometimes seem to becloud their sense of good judgement. Though some might be smart enough to detect such antics but several have lost their will to love and life as a result of the pains of their past mistakes and hurt.

You can’t litter the floor with granules of sugar and not be invaded by soldier ants! Somehow, I guess this truth seems to evade the consciousness of most single ladies that they probably out of desperation to find a life partner or get hooked-up, send an unconscious signal which some desperate men capitalizes on, hence making them vulnerable to the antics of such shallow minded men!

As a result, men now sell the idea of marriage even at first meeting knowing fully well that it is the brand every single woman wants to be identified with. But beyond those sugar-coated words and sweet promises, there lies deceit and emptiness! They only get to realize this when the deed has been done and they are the worse for it! Marriage is not the ultimate; your happiness should take first place priority!

Knowing where to draw the line between friendship and intimate relationship is of great importance and should be one of the skills a single lady should possess. Times are hard and true love is hard to find. If you don’t want to end up being a trash where every man dumps his ‘thing’ in the name of love and marriage, then you have to start looking inward and stop giving the impression that you are desperate or under pressure! True love is worth the waiting!

Women are the pride of our world! Lets keep this dream alive!