Saturday, 23 August 2008

Vagina Verses...

You are reading this post at your risk! You have been warned!!!

...I am but a pen in the hands of the muse…


I guess you have never thought that someday I would be here speaking to you. It has never crossed your imagination that I have a mind of my own.

“Can a vagina talk?”

Don’t be amused because that laughter would soon become a lump in your throat and that peevish smile on your face would soon become the frown of some village clown. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable! Call this a rant of some sort, or a mindless soliloquy, but sit awhile and suspend all personal biases as I take you on this journey of self (sex) discovery. Cry if it hurts, scream if you want, shout if you must and moan if you will, for I am about to disvirgin your thoughts. I am about to unravel some truth your Mama never told you! I am yours truly, Vagina!


Don’t pretend like you don’t know who I am! You are either a possessor of my infinite treasure and inexhaustible pleasure or you are one of those fragile folks with a dangling pendulum suspended in-between their thighs and a trigger of some sort like a sac, hanging loosely. Intoxicated by your pseudo rifle you go about hunting for me under different shades of skirts. You pride in the piles of skirts you think you have exploited and those sacred sanctuaries you have desecrated! What a fool you are! Didn’t your mother tell you, that I am the force that makes your ocean of passion swell? The flaws and strength of great men! Your masculinity ends where my femininity begins! I am your fate! Who then is the prey and who is the hunter? You should know better sons of Dick!


How can I forget those idle moments when you sit among your adulterous friends scheming and planning, sharing filthy tales of your unenviable conquest! How come I have suddenly become the object of amusement? But in the height of your lustful lure I was your angel, honey pie, sugar pie…I was everything to you until you dumped your slimy shame in me and then, I became the bitch! I became the slut! How could someone have condescended from such lofty cherubic height to becoming a thrash where every Dick and sons dump their messy slimy ‘thing’? The angel has suddenly become the bitch! What an antithesis! But wait Mister; has time your intellect deflated? Or is it true that when you get hardened, your reasoning takes flight? Some says it flows to your penis and is released during ejaculation. I guess this explains your after-sex exhaustion and uncivil mannerism.


Now, put that dusty brain to its primary use and let me teach you some vagina truth! If I could take your pseudo rifle in one swallow and dispossess it of its watery bullets, what makes you think I can’t swallow you up in a gulp? I am the cradle that rocked you to sleep when you were but a foetus: with one final push, I opened the door to your existence and made you a reality. I can as well shut that door this once and end your miserable existence! Is that the bitch in me or the angel speaking?


Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror during ejaculation? What a sight! Faces contorted, muscles stiffened like one suffering from a bolt of paralysis; words tippling incoherently out of those twisted lips, breath coming in convulsive gasps; divorced of your pride and sensibility, a mad man’s glint in your eyes and like a goat that has just smelt its urine, a faint smile graced your lips…Is that the bitch or beast in you Mister? Never underestimate the power of a woman!


And to you possessors of my infinite wisdom, have you forgotten the creed of chastity and decency? Where lies your pride, when you have made me a commodity that can be purchased at any cost? Don’t I deserve your husband and soul mate? I am supposed to be your pride and not your shame! Those robes of innocence are meant to shroud your much coveted treasure from the prowling vulture. For where lies the masquerade’s pride but in its mask!


Sex. Is that all I am worth? C’mon sister, for how long will you give me out at the slightest mention of the word ‘marriage’ or ‘love’? Some men these days use love and marriage as an alibi or a justification for sex! What makes you think selling me out to every Dick and sons would guarantee your ultimate happiness and settlement in life? Where is Darlington, Dick-son, Dick-en, Oko-labi, Oko-juwonlo, Oko-dola, Brother Peter, Brother Paul, Alhaji Umaru, Aljhaji Ibrahim, Chief Ogadinma, Chief Nduka, Uncle Donatus to mention but a few? A few indeed!


Woman, where is your pride? This is not some cruise girl friend! Look inward and see how much I have been bruised by these brutes! A man who demands me as a criterion for walking down the aisle doesn’t truly deserve you! You should know better woman!


Daughters of Eve, why do you constantly chastise me with that malevolent object you call a dildo? Hmmm…this is definitely about sex, isn’t it? I have never ceased to wonder what would make a sister shove that parody for a penis down those private quartres! Is it a protest against centuries of peni(s)ficent or dickvolent slavery? Or a parody for the brutal tendencies of penile incursion? Could it be some sort of attack on male chauvinism? Whatever your reason, these marks are not tattooed for fancy; they are the relics of the pains inflicted on my fragile vagina walls by your uncivil sexual behaviour! Is it not an irony that I am bruised by that same instrument of pleasure which to me is but torture, while you cruise away in ignorance? What a woman you are!


What should I say of those moments when on the altar of shame, you desecrate my sacred sanctuary for your personal gains, selling me out as a commodity, to some sex starved slut and plucking my eggs, unripe from its stem? How many souls would you deny the joy of existence before you shut those sex puffed up thighs?


Woman, I am God’s gift to you! I am the wonder that makes child-bearing a miracle! I am that lost treasure men have always craved for, from generations past! I am your pride! Your duty is to see that I am given to that one true man after your heart. My worth lies in how well you can keep your legs shut until you find that special person! I deserve that special man – just that one special man!


And to you seekers of my vast treasures, when next you come across another vagina, treat her like your life depends on her because she could be your mother, your sister, your wife and maybe… your daughter!


Some respect is all I ask!


Yours truly,

Vagina.

44 comments:

OluwaDee said...

This is some serious vaginal talks.

nicely written Dammy.

Femi B said...

Nicely done, permit me to print it out for my unborn children in the galaxy....lol

So when is the Penis going to say his own mind too???
Penis Verses ???

Tears said...

LOL! hmmmmmmm (is all i can say!)

xx

Lady Koko said...

U KNU WHAT........U AMAZE ME..DAY BY DAY..ur thought process is absolutely GENIUS!!!!!!
I MUST SOUND LIKE A GROUPIE(well i am..lol) BUT YOU REALLY ARE ONE BLOGGER THAT INTRIGUES ME!!!!
P.S:XOXO

zara (my alter ego) said...

wow! preach!

vagina monologues.. maybe u shud sign up.. amazing..

Naapali said...

I find this post rather conventional. A Nigerian man imposing his views on what a woman's self perception should be.

Standtall said...

Dammy this is a good job. This is deep and trully meaningful. I think you shd get this across to KIND for thier next vargina Monologue paly and also Society for Family Health for their HIV jingles. I really took something with me here...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

I think i need my mama to sign a 'permission slip' before I read this post, everytime I said the word 'vagina' when I was young she would back slap me and then wash out my mouth with soap lol.

Kin'shar said...

Well I dont know what I look like during an orgasm.....but I will be sure to check that the next time I get intimate.

Oh, thought I would let you know that I am truly committed but if all changes I think I can accept you as my husband/soulmate ^_^








But until then...neva underestimate the power of "your" woman!

BARBIE said...

Dammy,Dammy,Dammy,U neva disappoint me.Dis is a masterpiece...Guys need 2 know d hidden truth bout their f*****g escapades n trust me man, U sure brought it home...

Rita Esuru Okoroafor said...

Thanks for the encouraging words for our ladies today...

Aphrodite said...

Word!
harsh but true.

musco said...

na wa o!

i'm sure this was written 4rm ur own personal experience.

well written!

AlooFar said...

?

princesa said...

A Vagina should be treated with respect. True that!!!

Uzezi said...

hard core. true talk.

Parakeet said...

Preach it brother. This is a well balanced article and excellently written at that.

But I wont be parakeet if I dont have dissenting views. Your quote "Daughters of Eve, why do you constantly chastise me with that malevolent object you call a dildo? Hmmm…this is definitely about sex, isn’t it?"

Really what I want to know is what is wrong in woman using a dildo to satisfy her sexual urge? We get these things. Its natural especially when you've had sex before. I know some do it in some sort of protest against men folk but largely its also for pleasure where a man is not reachable at the time. A dildo itself is a phallus symbol so however much you try to use it as an instrument of protest, its still carries all signifiers of masculinity. So really its pointless to use it in any other way other than to seek pleasures.

You also mentioned only putting out to that special someone and I do hope you mean within marriage. For through our journey of finally settling down with the ultimate ONE we do meet several special someones. So in the end you may give in only to find that the special someone ceases to be special. What am I talking about sef? People get divorced and what happens then? I guess this will continue to be a no win situation until we all go back to the way God really wants us to live. However I suspect this may be too late but who am I to know.

Good job.

ibiluv said...

nice
very nice
glad this is even from a dude
v deserves a lot of respect

Afronuts said...

Goodness! See as all di brothers just siddon look...dem no fit talk...

...and that includes me.

Buttercup said...

oh wow dammy, u've done it again...u just keep impressin me...

it wud only be fair to hear from dick n sons' end too tho...

this was really brilliant!

NigerianDramaQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NigerianDramaQueen said...

This was very interesting. Deep talk
Yes, the treasure that is the vagina is often undervalued.
But it is not always necessarily on "altars of shame".In most cases where the vagina is sold, there is a story...a story that didn't necessarily start with "personal gain." A story that may have started with a need for survival or a lack of knowledge. Thus, it would be more befitting to portray the vagina as being sacrificed on altars of pain...
That being said, it was refreshing to hear a man speak on behalf of the vagina with respect. Much of what of you wrote is a truth I personally subscribe to.
Keep up the good work.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

This was very interesting. Deep talk
Yes, the treasure that is the vagina is often undervalued.
But it is not always necessarily on "altars of shame".In most cases where the vagina is sold, there is a story...a story that didn't necessarily start with "personal gain." A story that may have started with a need for survival or a lack of knowledge. Thus, it would be more befitting to portray the vagina as being sacrificed on altars of pain...
That being said, it was refreshing to hear a man speak on behalf of the vagina with respect. Much of what of you wrote is a truth I personally subscribe to.
Keep up the good work.

bumtight said...

I am the cradle that rocked you to sleep when you were but a foetus: with one final push, I opened the door to your existence and made you a reality. I can as well shut that door this once and end your miserable existence

that was my best line. nicely written. kudos if u really did write this!

Olamild said...

whooooooooooooo hoooooooooo
That was HOT
This must go everywhere
It's about time the vagina speak up...

I am short of words.

Lady Koko said...

HAD TO SHARE THIS WITH SUM FRIENDS..HOPE U DONT MIND!
P.S:XOXO

Hunter girl said...

wow...i huess u were right to place a warning first!!! I must admit some part were a bit too explicit for a good girl like me(LOL)...but most parts were pure genuis..."Your masculinity ends where my femininity begins"...and the description of men when they come...brilliant sturvssssssssss!!!

You sure ur a guy?...LOL

oh yeah...thanks for ur comments on my post!!!

BARBIE said...

O.k Dammy,in case U r wondering who BARBIE is,its Chinenye...Get it..

Bondgirl said...

Please tell us if you wrote it because DAMN!!!

Kin'shar said...

hmmmmm, I wonder if ...never mind...(smile)......and you know what Im smiling about Dammy!

Today's ranting said...

Wow this is so creative.WEll written! I really admire ur writing style and creative mind.Keep it up.

Oracle said...

WOW, Dammy, this is creative in a sexual way. nice.
I hope you're preparing the part 2 (Penis Verses) coz if you don't, i'll personally ......................

Nice post

BrownSugar said...

Hey Dammy, you've been awarded!!! Please see my blog for details. Congratulations!

Jaycee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaycee said...

Marvin Gaye: my wedding night song

Lost without you: my bride dances with bridegroom song...

LOLLL...love em!

Parakeet said...

Talented...can u update pls?

Femi B said...

Where are the penis verses..you too update

Lilian Michael said...

Fantastic and well written post. It is great to read something so well written. You are a star!!!!!

Keshi said...

haha mebbe SHE can talk after all :)

Keshi.

Anonymous said...

Dammy, you try for this one oh! Even if we forget the work that went in...you tried by posting it.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...do the penis one too.

uNWrItten* said...

wow..the vagina is pisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssed!!!!..lol...good stuff..u wanna write my papers for me..ill pay you..in hugs..lol

AnyaPosh said...

Can I say something? Damn..why even ask. This was A M A Z I N G!! Whoa, you really flipped it up on us with this one..figure showing all sides. Good job, I will fast from my vagina for a few days now though. I will starve her from all pleasurable encounters until she behaves!

Esther Malgwi said...

Hmmmm....deep and true...nicely done dami...*thumbs-up*